“Your art speaks of healing,” said New York artist Makoto Fujimura. Several years ago in his book signing line, I showed him my homemade portfolio. As he flipped through my Xeroxed reproductions, he named my calling: healing.

His word seemed prophetic when I later met a pregnant woman. After talking with her for a few minutes, she told me how fearful she felt about having another baby. Hoping to encourage her, I offered her a postcard of my artwork.

Several days later, I saw her again. As we talked, she started crying, so I invited her to sit on a nearby park bench. She said:

Her Story

As I stared down at the self pregnancy test waiting for the result, “yes” appeared in the little window. That’s when it all started. In facing the reality of an unexpected pregnancy with a second baby, I panicked.

Because of my husband’s fragile emotions, I couldn’t envision taking care of a new baby all on my own. And the thought of caring for two children under the age of two terrified me. I convinced myself that I only had one option: an abortion.

Basically, from my own limited perspective, I began to listen to so many lies about why not to have my baby: I couldn’t afford to lose my temporary job, no one else would hire a pregnant woman, and I had no place to put a second baby. In my mind, my assumptions became facts.

It was easier—or at least that’s what I believed—to take the situation into my own hands than to trust God. With an abortion, I would no longer have to worry about a baby interrupting my life. So I decided that an abortion would solve my problems.

After making an appointment at an abortion clinic, I learned that I would have to wait a week before taking the RU486 pill that would cause the abortion. Finally the day came; I dreaded the whole day.

But that evening after work, I returned to the abortion clinic. As I swallowed the pill, a mixture of sadness and relief washed over me. The next morning at 2:00 a.m. on our daughter’s first birthday, the abortion occurred.

Over the next few months, the short-lived relief turned into a deeply entrenched self-hatred. Instead of accepting my responsibility, I began blaming my husband—and even God. If only I could somehow forgive myself. Desperately, I tried to earn God’s forgiveness.

When you gave me the postcard of the painting, Staying the Course, picturing the older boy leading the younger boy, I thought of my aborted baby, my older son. And I imagined him in Heaven, leading my younger son (who is due this summer). Perhaps my older son could also have helped me learn how to trust God in ways that I never thought possible.

And then I read the words printed on the backside of the postcard:

I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them.¹

As I held the postcard, my hands began to tremble, and I started crying. I knew that God was telling me that even though I would go through other unfamiliar paths in life, I could trust Him completely. And I now know that God would have helped me through my son’s birth.

With my unwanted pregnancy, instead of going to God for a solution, I went my own way. As a result, my path led to an abortion, which only compounded my problems. However, through my painful experience, I have learned that God will ultimately help me no matter what seemingly impossible situations I encounter on the path ahead.

Experiencing Forgiveness

As we continued talking, my new friend mentioned a Bible study [See information below] that helped her begin the journey towards recovery. At the study, she learned that Christ died on the cross to pay for her mistakes—her decision to not go to God for help and consequently choosing an abortion. She learned that she didn’t have to figure out how to forgive herself or earn His forgiveness.

At the end of our conversation, she said, “Jesus ultimately exchanged my overwhelming guilt for His true forgiveness and real peace.” And then she added, “The postcard brought me healing.” Amazingly, her words had echoed Fujimura’s, “Your art speaks of healing.”

Used by permission

Bible Reference:

¹Isaiah 42:16

For more information, please visit the Healing Hearts web site.