Let Go of Pain

Let Go in progress

Dad, you’re supposed to protect me from people like you. All I ever wanted was your love and approval. My heart longs for a real father.
Signed, your daughter

This statement was written by a college student whose heart bled through the pen as her pain-filled words gushed onto paper. Like this young woman, the majority of the Let Go submissions I received dealt with the emotional wounds from divorce. Both children and adults wrote about the devastating effects of broken and fractured families.

The opportunity to write Let Go letters and sentences helped individuals to identify an area in their life that needed growth or change. By doing this, new steps towards hope and healing resulted. The letter below was written by a young man trying to rebalance his life after tremendous hurdles—including divorce. Though his journey towards healing has been very hard, his strength and resolve to regain hope is remarkable.

Dear Dad,

I was abandoned in the womb—by you. Five years later, I was adopted. So I left my foster home to live in a new home. It was scary moving into a totally different place.

My new parents tried to love me, but they were too busy. In my new home, there was no discipline. No help with my homework. So I was abandoned again.

When I was fourteen, my new parents divorced. After that, things changed again. Now I would wake up and make my own breakfast. I came home to an empty house after school, and I had to make my own dinner.

Things didn’t work out with my new mom, so I moved into my new dad’s home. I started getting into trouble and doing drugs to hide the pain. One day my new dad called me a “loser” and kicked me out.

Dad, I don’t blame you or my new parents. Everyone had their own issues. Although I still struggle with the loser tapes playing in my head, it’s time to let go of my past. I’m letting go of rejection. I’m letting go of the anger from being abandoned. It’s time to search out my own destiny.

Love ya, Dad—even though I have never met you,
Your son

Note: One hundred twenty-six participants pre-submitted Let Go letters and sentences to be collaged into the painting. The names and some details have been changed to protect identities.

Let Go Inspirational Sentences

Close-up of Let Go statements

Let Go statements from the ArtPrize participants:

I’m letting go of lost friendships.

I’m letting go of my body shame.

I’m letting go of changes that I think you should make.

I’m letting go of the past—everything that I cannot change.

I am letting go of caring about what other people think of me.

I need to remind myself not to look back and pick up what I had let go.

I’m letting go of unforgiveness for people who have betrayed me and hurt me deeply.

Let Go and Forgive

It’s hard to imagine what the loss of a child may feel like; let alone a situation where a child’s life has been taken by another. Yet Peter, the father, beautifully expresses his difficult journey—from hate to freedom—in dealing with his son’s death.

After my son’s death, I had to let go of the anger, and I had to let go of the hate. In time, I had to forgive.
Signed, Peter

Note: One hundred twenty-six participants pre-submitted Let Go letters and sentences to be collaged into the painting. The names and some details have been changed to protect identities.

Healing Art: PTSD and Soldier Suicide

Hometown Hero II at the Pentagon in Washington DC

In 2016, my work called Hometown Hero II exhibited at the Pentagon in Washington, D.C. with Reflections of Generosity—a traveling exhibit that promotes healing for our military families. This year’s work continues to support our military families. The following Let Go letter is about the difficult journey of one Blue Star Mom whose son attempted suicide.

The Blue Star Mothers is an organization made up of moms with a son or daughter in the military. Their goal is to provide support for service members and their families—especially for those struggling with PTSD and soldier suicide. This important letter gives insight into some of the struggles that our military community faces long after the soldier returns home.

Dear M,

I thought the hardest part of our son being in the Army was going to be the deployments. The months without seeing his face. I worried: Is he eating enough? Is he cold? Is he doing okay?

But now we are now dealing with his PTSD symptoms and attempted suicide. It’s been eight months since he tried to pull the trigger. Thankfully, the blessed gun jammed.

Even after months of treatment, his wife doesn’t want him in the house. She says she is afraid. So he is staying with us, but he doesn’t sleep much. I listen to him pacing the floor at night, and I cry. Why can’t I help him?

It was so easy to take care of him when he was little—even when he got hurt. I could just talk to him and things would be all better. Life isn’t that simple anymore. He just goes to work and to his counseling appointments—that is his whole life now.

I want my son back. I feel like watching his internal battle is slowly killing me. I’m now choosing to let go of my lack of control. I need to take this step for my own emotional healing.

Miss you,
J

Note: One hundred twenty-six participants pre-submitted Let Go letters and sentences to be collaged into the painting. The names and some details have been changed to protect identities.

Living Art and Jones Sodas

Donated panel from Color Me Orange—Color Me Kind

Sometimes an experience grows beyond one’s initial purpose. I had one of those enriching moments when a group of at-risk young teenaged boys came to work in my yard. After our introductions, one asked, “Why is your yard so nice?”

“I’m an artist,” I replied. “My yard is like one of my art canvases. Have you seen my ArtPrize works downtown?”

“No. I’ve never been to ArtPrize.”

“Your school has one of my ArtPrize works,” I said. “Have you seen it?” I described one of the 3-foot by 6-foot wooden panels covered with thousands of orange ribbons that had been donated to their school. “ArtPrize visitors tied 100,000 orange ribbons on Color Me Orange—Color Me Kind as a promise to live by the Golden Rule. The single panel at your school probably has about 10,000 ribbons on it.”

“That’s yours? It’s in our gym. May we see more of your artwork?”

“Later. After we are done working,” I answered.

For the next three hours, I worked alongside the boys and introduced them to plants, like hostas, day lilies, and ferns. We discussed shade plants and trees. I described the various wildlife creatures that visit our yard.

When we discovered a dead chipmunk, they wanted to know how the chipmunk died. One asked, “Did it fall out of a tree?”

“No,” I said. “Chipmunks don’t usually fall out of trees. Maybe it died of old age or disease.”

Then I went inside to bake fresh chocolate chip cookies and gather an assortment of Jones sodas while the boys finished the yard chores. We then sat at my patio table to eat; the boys did the math on how many cookies they each got and decided which color Jones soda they wanted. While they ate, I showed the boys two of my art photo books.

They listened intently to my introduction of The Scarlet Cord—my awareness work on sex-trafficking. I also showed them images from Courage Ablaze on the plight of the Congolese women and children. I told them a few stories about rebel soldiers sweeping through villages killing the men and raping the women. The boys asked more details about one of the stories, “Why did the soldiers kill the father? Did the mother see her five daughters being raped?”

“The rebel soldiers want to destroy the will of the people and break their spirits. Congo is mineral rich with gold, diamonds, and coltan,” I said. “Coltan is what you have in your cell phones and laptop computers. Eight million Congolese people have been slaughtered, and two millions women have been raped. The war is about greed.”

As our fifteen minute art discussion came to a close, the boys asked, “May we come back again? May we take the empty soda bottle as a souvenir?”

“Yes,” I smiled. I was touched that teenaged boys would be so interested in my artwork that they wanted a souvenir.

This art moment held special meaning for me too. As the boys left, I remembered that years ago this is how my dad taught me. He worked alongside me, introducing me to nature and to gardening. Now I was reproducing this same knowledge in others. One life touching another like a continuous living artwork that spans generations. Perhaps I’ll keep an empty Jones soda bottle too.

Heaven’s Smile

Waterscape for Marve

Many of Marve’s timely words came at the low points. Times when the challenges seemed overwhelming and I wondered, Why don’t I quit painting? But during these rock bottom moments, Marve, my elderly art friend, seemed to know just the right thing to say.

His kindness meant so much to me and to so many other artists as well. While honoring Marve’s memory at his funeral, an elderly woman, I’ll call Loretta, asked me for a painting. She said that she wanted a waterscape painting just like the one I painted for Marve. So I agreed to paint one.

Although Loretta’s memory was failing her, she phoned to say, “Every time I looked at Marve’s painting, I felt like I needed a towel. I thought I was going to get wet. The painting seemed so real.”

Upon completing the waterscape a couple of weeks later, I went to present the painting, shown above, to Loretta at her retirement community. I found her in the crowded dining room. Our smiles connected among a sea of gray heads.

Loretta smiled again and kissed me. Then she held up the work twice for all the other residents to enjoy. Their verbal applause made her smile grow even bigger. She carefully ran her fingers over the painting, with braille-like tenderness, as she whispered, “Look at the colors.”

As I returned to the car, I smiled too. And my smile grew bigger as I thought of Marve’s encouragement, Loretta’s joy-filled response, and an opportunity for culture care, that is, a moment to give away healing love. Perhaps Marve, in his new heavenly home, smiled too.

Happy Holidays to you and your family!

Leon and Pamela with Color Me Orange—Color Me Kind at ArtPrize Eight

May faith, hope, and love be yours in abundance this holiday season. See you back in 2017!

May You Always

by Catherine Pulsifer

Faith, hope and charity
May we always have these
Not just at Christmas time
But all the year throughout.

May you always have
Something to hope for
Faith in something bigger than you
And, dreams that come true.

And may you always
Share with others
Your blessings as a result
Of your hopes, faith, and dreams.

Kindness Matters

Because of Tracy’s physical defect, the other middle school students would taunt: “Don’t go near her. She’s got some sort of disease. Stay away or you’ll get it too.” The shunning pained her.

A couple of years later during high school, Tracy noticed Rick, another student sitting on the bus by himself. So Tracy asked Rick if she could sit next to him. The next day she sat next to him again. Soon Tracy and Rick sat together every day.

Ten months later, Rick finally confided, “The day I met you, I was going to clear out my locker and end it all with suicide. But when you sat next to me, I changed my mind. You gave me hope.”

Tracy had no idea that Rick was struggling. But because of her own difficulties in middle school, Tracy had learned to be kind and focus on others. In doing this, she saved Rick’s life. The power of kindness rewrote his life.

For reasons of security, names have been changed.

Stand up against bullying…

Color Me Orange—Color Me Kind

ArtPrize Eight (2016) Artist

Coloring with Kindness
Gerald R. Ford Presidential Museum
September 21 to October 9, 2016
Vote 62626
(Located outside on the museum plaza)

Tell Us Your Story. #ColorMeKind

Watch the Color Me Orange—Color Me Kind video…